Late Nights:Early Mornings

I have found myself praying for motivation and focus. Some days I question the sleepless nights and rushed mornings; the late night study sessions that seem to do more harm than good.
Why am I doing this? A question that is quick to fall from my lips but a hard one to answer. Yes I can rattle off a list that justifies the impossibilities of chemistry and the competitiveness of Pharm D programs. But when that same question is posed against the backdrop of a brightly lit second floor library at 2:00am at a table covered in loose leaf, multi colored pens and notecards....those justifications seem to fall to pieces.
I have created a struggle between what I know to be true now and what I have yet to discover. It is a thin line between intrigue and frustration. I want to know that the sleepless nights, forgetting to eat, and frenzied test taking is for something great. I know where I want to end up but it is making sure that I'm in it 100% each day is the issue that worries me. Some days are better than others. Some days my thirst to be in my white lab coat counseling a patient about her heart meds is so great; the only way to quench it is to be sitting with my Ochem notes sprawled open. This is when the late nights and early mornings make sense. It is in that moment that I know for sure that this journey is for something great. But it is those other days that don't sit well with my spirit. The days when I haphazardly take notes and only halfway listen. It is those days that I am scared that I have brought myself this far only to self destruct. It is on those days that I realize that I am carelessly holding my livelihood in my hands. It is on those days that I have to talk to God. They say that He talks to you in whispers. It is on those days that I feel His words resounding in my spirit filling me with renewed strength. I know that I have gotten here not only by own merit but with the guidance of God. It is on those days that He allows me a moment to refocus and regroup.

It is in that moment that I know and wholeheartedly believe that this journey is going to lead me to something great.