Revelations&Reciprocity

A few post ago, I wrote about how I don't agree with this statement "Your college years will be the best time of your life" or something to that affect. It was nice to know that my girl VR felt the same way. She took her musings to Facebook and wrote a painfully honest note. It's moments like these when I feel that my friends are inside of my head!!

"this is the age of the deepest love.. where many have met or will meet their life partners. am i too far behind since the life part never crosses my mind? damaged goods, but were all a little broken these days. we've all been through it once or twice or more. everythings so sticky and so complicated in that arena. save your heart, protect yourself... give your heart, risk yourself. can't speak much on the subject because i simply don't know much on the subject. you know better, you do better. trying not to make the same mistakes, but trying to give someone the fair chance that they deserve. listening to the lies pretending they're truths... "

*takes a deep breath* Where do I begin? My Senior year of high school and Morrison's novel, Sula shaped my views on friendship. Having dealt with losing my best friend as my best friend in high school, I felt I was primed and ready for the friendships that I was going to foster in college. But see I what I didn't understand was that college friendships were placed on a different shelf. College was the place where you made Life-Long friends. When I arrived to college, I had academic expectations & personal hopes and wishes. My academic journey was something that I could easily handle. The friendships were the more jarring experiences. I knew who I was inside the classroom but it was through failed friendships that I found my footing. Sophomore year ended with another friendship down the drain. I will not bore you with the details because they are not important. But what is important is it was through that experience I began to formulate my friendship rules. The nonsense that occurred in my last failed friendship was not going to happen again. I was confident because I was

"trying not to make the same mistakes, but trying to give someone the fair chance that they deserve. listening to the lies pretending they're truths... "

And yet here was I again dealing with reciprocity issues; each time giving these friends chances to right their wrongs while trying not to feel that my time was wasted.

I do understand it is fair to ask of others what we know we would do ourselves, but when it doesn't work out so neatly, and things aren’t always reciprocal, why must we regret the kindness we demonstrated or the sacrifices we made?--Jozen Cummings

I am a person who will exert the same amount of energy that is being put in. This revelation or as Oprah would say was my "Aha Moment". Why was I putting energy into people who were treating me like an afterthought?? I had to remind myself that in order for me to be a good friend, there needed to be a balance. I could not listen to lies pretending they were truths any longer. I was protecting myself because unfortunately everyone was protecting themselves. No shade to them; wearing my heart on my sleeve had gotten me nowhere. Now don't think that I've become this hardened person. Instead I have become a woman who is unwavering when it comes to how she wants to be treated. I take my friendships seriously and I will do all I can to see that they are fruitful all the while not risking my peace of mind.

I make no apologies. :p