2013.

I meant to post this last week but I didn't feel like it to put it simply. Winter break is real and writing a post seemed like work. But now I'm up in the wee hours of the morning wanting to write. So here I am.
The beginning of 2012 was so painstakingly shacky. I was in the middle of applying to pharmacy schools and taking the PCAT for the second time. I was nervous. Questioning my life plan and wondering what God was up to. I flew for the 1st time in my adult life. Each time was for a pharmacy interview. Not getting into your top school was crushing to the dream. Then to be waitlisted. Chile. When I say I was emotionally ravaged. I WAS EMOTIONALLY RAVAGED.But to get the call from Joan saying I got into Temple. I think it was the first time I was literally left speechless. The feeling was unreal. Everything I   had worked for had paid off. They saw my potential. They saw what I see in myself. Applying to pharmacy school or any graduate level program is humbling!!!
There was a guy that had me all twisted in the game. It was fun and then it wasn't and then it was fun again. I was impressed with the idea of him(well he and I) which I think allowed me to make excuses when he left the picture without any explanation and then re appeared without any real effort. Looking back on it, I see where I did myself a disservice. The fun outweighed the foolishness. In those moments I felt I was in control calling the shots. But looking back that wasn't the case. It was all him. Again the fun outweighed the foolishness.  Then there is the guy who I could see being married to and having his ashy black babies. But the timing was off. The distance was too much. He's a great guy. Maybe we'll end up together. Who knows. I think of him often. But again timing and distance aren't in our favor. Hmmm.
When a friend quotes one of the woman from Love and Hip and seriously applies it to her life situation, the friendship shouldn't continue. I know this now. I finally get it. Some people are only great in a social atmosphere. They are the ones you call for happy hour and when you need someone else to take tequila shots with because taking them by yourself is a sign of alcoholism. Not to be brought within the circle of trust. I seem to always have an issue with loyalty. Women being loyal to me. Finding women who believe in the same social cues/boundaries can be difficult. Here the lesson was again. I wanted to be enlightened and act as though what happened between her and I didn't change our dynamic but it did. I no longer trusted her. I distanced myself and felt bad about it. She didn't have many girlfriends and I felt like we connected but you cant lie to me ,drain me emotionally, AND still be my friend. But as the saying goes fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me. It just left a bad taste in my mouth.  Also, I realized I despise when friends continually ask for advice(boo-hooing on my couch in the wee hours of the morning) and they still haven't taken the advice. Girl I'm not about to keep dishing out advice that you asked for and your still knee deep in drama. And a lot of the drama was self created. In reality, the friendship was doomed. I'm all about peace of mind and will do any and everything to protect it. With all that said, Bless her. A part of me wants to know how she's doing now. But I think its best I continue to keep my distance.
On the other hand, I cultivated some great friendships and strengthened others. The night *K and I spent on Skype calling a thing a thing/owning our truths. Best Skype ever! The fact that I was able to spend Thanksgiving with a friend from freshman year and a friend from junior year was just amazing! I really have some great friends:) 
I moved to the city of Brotherly Love! My classmates are annoying and amazin g at the same time. They really are an interesting bunch. Pharmacy school will humble you but I know this is the career for me.
I recently decided to stop perming my hair and go natural. Not gonna lie I miss my perm. I saw this girl on the train with a fresh perm and I was salivating. But this transition forces to me to experiment with my hair. I have a rant to post about natural hair. I'm sure its not what you think its about. Lol
2012 was good to me. Dreams came true.
In 2012, my mother asked me if I liked white men. I proceeded to explain my love for black men but I wouldn't be opposed to the swirl.
Perhaps I will experience a mahogany or mulatto moment in 2013. I don't discriminate, racially. Height will always be important.
Anywho.
In 2013 I hope to continue my journey of learning about myself. I think sometimes I get so caught up in the crazy that I forget to check in with myself. I want to take better care of myself this year. I always say that I'm a PYT. It's time to really mean that. I can't be a PYT with a muffin top. That's the opposite of cute. I also want to get involved in the community of Philadelphia, specifically with young Black girls.  I'm not sure in what capacity but I think I can have an impact.
2012 was filled with ups and downs. Filled with lessons and experiences. I really feel that I'm coming into my own and it feels great. There is a self assuredness that I feel. I'm sure 2013 will be even more exciting. :)