Hating the player and the game

I went to a party last night. The pheromones were suffocating. Flirting was at an all time high. There were drinks. There was music. It was a good time ;-)

In the midst of all the choosing, I noticed many of the guys whispering sweet nothings in the ears of very attractive women. I'm all about flirting and interacting with the opposite sex at parties. I'm single. I have no promises to keep. I can boost a man's ego sell dreams at my leisure. No one gets hurt in the process. It's all fun and games. Here's the problem with the aforementioned scene, these attractive women weren't their girlfriends. As a person who enjoys a good flirtatious exchange, the conversation with these women is not the issue. For me the issue arises when two lives are being led; being in a relationship and being single are simultaneously at play. What is the point of having a girlfriend if you are going to actively pursue other women????? <<<< I just don't get it. These men can be single and sell dreams without breaking promises to the women they claim they care about. Is it the excitement of not getting caught? Is it because they want to always know that they can pull women no matter the circumstance? Is it because they recognize how great their girlfriends are and would rather not share them with other men? I can't call it. It is a phenomenon that I just can't wrap my head around. What is the point of putting in the work it takes to get and keep a girlfriend (dates, meeting friends&family, incorporating them into life decisions) if it all gets pushed to the wayside? The reason as to why these men do what they do may be linked to being able to have their cake and eat it too. They simply do it because they can. What the girlfriend doesn't know won't hurt her, right?! *eyeroll*

On paper these men are creme de la creme. They are top notch. It doesn't hurt that they are attractive. They have successful futures ahead of them. They also have the uncanny ability to use their words to make many women swoon. I completely understand why women would want to be in their presence. Their resumes are known and so are their relationship statuses.These men present themselves as upstanding gentlemen and future leaders in the proverbial community. But their dealings with women prove otherwise. Men aren't perfect. Neither are women. But I believe if you make a commitment to someone, keep it. Be present in the relationship. And if/when you don't want to, use your words and get out. Simple.

I'm not sure if the girlfriends know. If they do, what a shame. Wasting years with a man who refuses to fully commit. I would want to talk to them so that I could here the rationale. If they don't, what a shame. Wasting years with a man who refuses to commit. See what I did there?! Whether they know or not, it's still sad. *sigh*  Maybe one these men will stop chasing women and focus on the women they have? Or maybe they won't. I can't call it. *sigh* I don't have a solution, just a slew of observations.
But what I know for sure, it couldn't be me.
Let me rephrase, I hope and pray that I am never put in this situation.

An update of sorts

Excited girls really do silly things.
I was talking to one of my male friends last night about school and what not. But in the midst of that I just spilled my guts. (Apparently I have to talk about things in order to process things...*things we already knew*).  At the end of the conversation, K* said, "Don't sweat this" <<Simple, right? It clicked....I don't know how to NOT sweat it because there's got to be a reason. It just doesn't make sense. I was sappy (see previous post) now I'm annoyed. I'm currently staring in my own episode of He's Just Not that Into You. Am I invisible?! Can you see me?! Ignoring tweets though....oh okay! Did I do something?! ! I can't call it.  My batteries are drained. Dazed and confused.But I can't give this anymore energy. It was so much fun in my head. ;-)
Life comes as you fast.
Jay-Z said it best: on to the next one *nods head in agreement*
No more sappy posts.
I'm soooooooo incredibly over all of these emotions and sh*t.
............................
on another note, my friend reasoned that we loved the same love song because we are ready to give our hearts away. Chile....
My response: Too deep for the intro ( a J. Cole song) .It was too deep and too on point for the moment. I refused to entertain it.
But I think she's right. Is this something that I wear on my sleeve?! Can this be picked up on?!

Once again I can't call it and I'm not gonna worry about it ;-) 

................................

It's Week 10. It's crunch time. I'm behind in my classes.....why?! Life happened. I had two quizzes, two exams, and an annotated bibliography due last week. I'm pooped. Now this week I have to start two research papers, catch up on Biochem, and study for my final that is on Wednesday. O_o I know in the end it will all come together. It always does.

It really is that simple

there are times when I think I see you

each time

my breath escapes me

my heart stops

time slows down

[insert dramatic kissing scene from The Notebook]

....insert melodrama.

Honestly, sometimes this whole having a crush or liking someone is so full of theatrics I don't know where to turn; like a maze I can't get out of [not that I'm actually doing anything to get out of it....] but i digress......

The ups and downs that emerge when the opposite sex collide is straight out of a Lifetime movie. (Well minus the low budget, straight to DVD feel. Lol) Liking someone is full of incoherent text messages to friends, butterflies, and wall slides. All of which I've experienced time and time again.

Each time I ask myself, "Why am I putting myself through this....Why am I hoping for hope?"

And to that I remind myself how silently excited I get when someone mentions your name, how your mere presence makes my heart flutter, and how differently my name sounds coming from your lips. [if this isn't that sappy nonsense that warrants an eye-roll, I don't know what is! But sometimes it be's like that.....]

....it's the simple things in life that keep me coming back for more.

.....*takes a bow* end scene

The Gray Area

"I think a committed relationship would complicate an already complicated life"

"*blankstare* I never said I wanted to be in a relationship with you or anyone else for that matter"

Do I want to be in a relationship. Honestly it depends on the day! Sometimes I need that bf simply to take the garbage out and kill that bug that mysteriously appeared on my wall. Basically I need him to carry out the stereotypical roles of his species. ( I kid,I kid well only about the garbage that bug on the other hand....). There are days that I seriously would like a relationship....but those moments are fleeting. Then there are those days when I love that I can go about my day and not think about his emotions, how I'm going to fit him into my day, or any other relationship type things. So honestly, I'm not sure if I want a relationship today or tomorrow.

And I can't say I subscribe to the let's just see where it's gonna go line either. I'm kinda in the middle of it all. Dare I say it? I currently reside in a gray area of some sorts. I usually don't like gray areas but that's where I found myself today. I'm okay with that.

The truth is the light......

"I want more than what you're offering.

Doesn't make him a bad guy

just not the guy for me"