ramble.

always trying to find the good in situations can be harder than actually admitting the truth
especially someone like me, who at all times follows her truth.
"The truth is the light"
"To thine own self be true"
two statments I live by
Commited to.
It's amazing the character flaws we overlook when we are friends with someone.
Funny thing is maybe I am the flawed one.
What did Momma Maya say?
"When someone shows you who they are, believe them"
If this aint filled with truth
I don't know what is.
People will be people.
You either except them
or you don't.
I live in absolutes.
Apparently others do not
And yet here we are
the world still spinning on its axis
still going through the motions
something must be working right?

Suburbia.

In less than 12 days I will be leaving a life that I created in 2006.

Going back to suburbia. A place where things never really change much. 

It's comforting in a sense. It's crazy. Six years have come and gone. With each passing academic year, it seemed as though time was inching by every so slowly. Now as I sift through memories, old assignments, and photos, I realize how time really does fly. Chile......I can remember vividly sitting in the car and telling my mother goodbye my freshman year. The entire move I was full of excitement. But when it was time for her to leave, I lost it. TEAR FEST. Here I am, six years later, taking it all in. I've thrown much of my material memories (assignments, books, papers, binders) away. There are people that I hope to see in the coming week. Then there are those whose memories shall suffice. Now isn't the time to revel in past friendships and courtesies. I simply want to have a grand old time ;-) Last night was fun. Ate some sushi (a California roll with cream cheese!Yall know iont really mess with sushi sushi) and went to GasWerks. People watching. I was wildly amused. I have fully accepted my membership into the Unfriendly Black Hotties Association.

Going back to suburbia. A place where things never really change much

One of my best friends from high school is still there. She is in grad school and living at home with her papa! Although, college has separated us, over the past few years. Gabriella is still my boo thang. We don't talk often but when we do it's as though no time has passed. I love it. Can't wait to see Peter either!! He is another person where time stands still. He left the greatest voicemail in reference to a classmate being engaged. It was all types of rude and wonderful at the same d*mn time. Told Remes I was coming back too! She is excited. She's like the little sister I never wanted. I kid, I kid. ((She doesn't read my blog, so it's cool))

Since I'm still playing the waiting game with pharmacy school, this year at home would be interesting. It would be the first time since high school that I wouldn't have my own space. Needless to say, I'm relishing my time in my apartment. I'm excited to be up under my mommie again even though she informed me that she has a list of things around the house that she would like me to look into. Girl what? The first few days back, I plan on sleeping. I will also be able to play with my llittle kitten, Monnie! He is in fact not a kitten. He is in fact a full grown cat. Is this how it feels as a parent: never wanting to acknowledge that your child is an adult? I just equated my cat to a child and myself as I parent. I'm just gonna leave that there.

Going back to suburbia. A place where things never really change much

I'm really going to miss my job. It has been an experience working there. These last few days have been absolutely ridiculously busy((perhaps they know I'm leaving!) I wouldve worked there for two years come September!! Wowzers!  My co-workers. We are a dysfunctional group...but it works. I'm definitely going to miss them. Who else are they going to blame when the counting tray has been haphazardly placed on a back shelf? Who else are they going to question upon leaving if they left anything? Who else is going to accidentally leave their keys, phone, phone charger (these happened at different times) in the pharmacy?  Who else are they going to discuss the pros and cons of being a baseball wife with? As you can see I was definitely an asset to the team. Most of all, I'm going to miss my customers. Wish I could tell yall their names. Look at me respecting the HIPAA laws. I'm a Future Pharmacist of America. What did you expect? There are some characters that come to that pharmacy. There's nothing like getting cussed out on your first day? But it's those customers that I know by name and the customers that let me have a glimpse at their personal lives, that make that job great. It is also what makes me want to continue my education!!

I say all of that to say, I'm going to miss this place. Columbus. The Ohio State University. My friends. I am excited to return to suburbia. Perhaps this will coincide with me finding out what this year has in store ;-)

rumbling....

52 days left. It's getting real. GCB is my new favorite show. Today is my bestie's birthday. I've convinced myself that I'll be moving in August. I ran 2.56 miles yesterday. I'll be 24 in a few weeks *squeals* I love birthdays, specifically mine :) . Will be celebrating Cinco de Mayo this year. Tupac is back. YOLO.

what have i done.

Once I graduate on June 10th,2012, I will feel like I have accomplished something.
By then, I will be 24 years young and know if I got into pharmacy school.
They say getting in is half the battle.
They is right.
Just taking it day by day
that's all I have to give
With each assignment,
I know that I'm one step closer to
GRADUATION
And on that day, I will give a shout.
Until then,
I will complain about not having enough money or enough time in the day
I will spend countless hours downloading music  ((SchoolBoy Q| My Hating Joint)) when I should be studying
I will calculate my grades over and over again ......"so how many points do I need to get....?"
I will envy my two friends who have already been accepted into pharmacy school
I will become even greener with envy when my friend tells me he didn't even study for the pharmacology exam and still received a better grade than I did -_____-
I will workout three days a week and enjoy every minute of it
I will attempt to not to succumb to my quarter life crisis
In other words,
I will try not to go completely crazy.

I will graduate.

Sharing is Caring

*inspired by 25 Things and My Secrets**

• I haven't seen my father since i was 12 years old and I'm perfectly okay with that
• I wholeheartedly believe I was a socialite or royalty in my past life
• when I don't wear earrings I feel like a runaway slave
• I don't have siblings. I am actually quite proud of that. I never wanted any. I want multiple children. Funny how that works.
• I told many a friend that we would be friends when I first met them. I be knowing
• I speak in British accent at least twice a week
• I'm the happiest when eating
• I have a passport. I've only been to the Bahamas. I fee a way about that
• One of my besties would much rather be a housewife with an island in her kitchen than have a career. I would rather watch paint dry.
• I always have lipgloss/lipchap. When I don't, my day goes sour.
• With my recent weight gain, I avoid mirrors at all cost.
• I used to hate my stretch marks. Now I love them.
• I am very driven. I am also very lazy. Chile...
• I hate when people call me more than once and it's not an emergency. I hate when people call/text me asking if I got their text that they just sent. Sirs and ma'ams....
• I love Harry Potter and nem. We grew up together.
• I have recently observed that some may think I'm a lesbian. Team Paula Patton.
• I swear I always hear my phone vibrating or ringing. Its never the case.
• I clean in the wee hours of the morning. 
• Between friends, family, and coworkers, I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't have a smartphone
• A part of me believes I could marry for money.
• I've never celebrated Valentine's Day with a guy.
• I still talk to my elementary school librarian and third grade teacher.
• I love that Oprah and Stedman aren't married.
• I'm a firm believer in the unwritten girl code
• Although I love a few of India Arie's songs, I don't really like her. Things that most likely only make sense to me

Food For Thought

....they say you are what you eat. Are you also what you attract?
The guy that I have manufactured in my head (in terms of physical appearance) never quite matches the ones that stand before me. Probably because I haven't reached my goal size. *eats carrots*
They're usually good on paper but aint sh*t less than average in person. Does this mean I'm an average chick? ((>>> channeling Dana Gilmore with that question)) What woman wants to think that she's average?! I'll put it like this: I've got a lot of things to offer. I'm on the cusp of something great. ;-)
Some of these guys have been selfish in more ways than one. Am I selfish? As much as I would like to write "Absolutely not!" The truth is that I can be. I think its a combination of my experience as an only child and the evolution of my personality. So I guess the selfishness that I see in them is the same selfishness that I see in myself. I think the guys and I have positioned ourselves in a "take it or leave it" stance. At times, it has bothered me at all. Other times, I've gathered my things and left the situation.
I do believe that we attract reflections of ourselves. Mirrors if you will. I think we also attract the potential we see in ourselves. They're good on paper. But I want something a little more tangible than a resume/curriculum vitae. Well  I guess this all boils down to one thing: I need to become the man I want to date marry (paraphrasing Annette Benning's character in  The Women)

Thoughts?!

Time.

Chile......
I have a plethora of unwritten posts sitting in my drafts
Haven't slept in my bed since Wednesday
Gotta study for the PCAT and my test for work
I thought I lost my ipod....but it was in my pocket. O_o It's that small.
Return phone calls.....errybody and their mom called me last night and I couldn't give them the attention that was required.
Gotta get back in the gym (I'm gonna tape my entry video to the Mediumest Biggest Loser. I'm only 23. I'm too young for these watermelon thighs and belly flab. There's a thin line between thick and fat. I'm walking it. Barely.) and join Team Save Money So I Can Do Fun Hoodrat Things With My Friends
Apps/Personal Statement and other pharmacy related ish
.....so much to do!!
But it's gonna be fine and everything will get done.
Gotta channel my inner Beyonce work ethic. << I'm pretty sure I can relate Beyonce to anything. #talent
Speaking of Queen Bey, she's pregnant. *jumps for joy*
Anywho....I'm out until things calm down.
Be Easy....

I wanna love like.....

His name is Marty.
He touched my heart today.
He told me stories of his wife.

"Her biggest mistake in life was marrying a guy like me. Next week is our anniversary. We've been married for 58 years. The family and I are taking her to Cameron Mitchell. My girl deserves the best"

His wife's health is slowly deteriorating. She's been bed ridden for a year. But the way his eye's lit up when he shared stories about her was priceless. There was a compassion behind his eyes that brought me to tears. (I am a softie. In the middle of the pharmacy, trying to type in scripts, while holding back tears. #talent. I had to excuse myself to the restroom in order to pull myself together.)

Marty is a shuffling, old pharmacist who can talk until the cows come home Bless his whole heart. 

Unlike my other co-workers, I asked Marty questions and listened intently.

I've learned that sometimes a person just needs to talk to a complete stranger

Divulging secrets, wishes, mistakes,happiness

to a person that they will most likely never see again

You probably wouldn't believe how many times I've been at the Krogers or the Walmarts

and people just start talking to me

telling me things 

sometimes about them

or even things about me

(Don't get me wrong, all persons who approach get the *side eye or blankstare* at first)

I know that something greater is at work

Although tonight was hectic, I'm glad I met Marty. He definitely made an impression. 

One day I'm gonna be that old lady that talks a lot but means well

I hope when I'm his age and talk about my younger days that somebody will listen

FIFTY EIGHT YEARS.....people don't stay married for that long anymore. nowadays

I've never be in love

but if Marty's  compassion is what love is all about

I want to taste it and live it

Stella.Beyonce.Big Krit and other truths

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Tainted Love

I heard that when you don't know what to do. Be still. But I can't be still. I must write...

they say there is a lesson in everything.

but today in this moment

 i'm struggling to understand what I'm supposed to learn.

promises were broken

the worst part about it is 

i had a feeling

an inkling

a premonition 

livid

hurt

angry

.....simply disappointed

She said, "Nowhere to go but  up?"

True

We cannot go back in time

What's done is done

However

A once flawless friendship 

is now tainted

.....some things should simply never happen

Cabin Fever and other random ish

Cabin Fever is real! I've never been on my couch or inside in my apartment this long. This whole fractured foot thing is for the birds. I think I'm falling into a slight depression. -___- I've been looking at the same four walls. My day is focused on two things: icing my foot and keeping said foot elevated. My life is so exciting.

Because it's graduation weekend, everyone is trying to kick it. Sending me texts and tweets about the festivities. Don't they know I can't go?! And then they ask "You're done with finals. You don't have anything to do. Why can't you come kick it?" Just add salt to the wound!! How quickly people forget I'm a temporarily out the game! Please note: Once I'm back on my feet (literally) a celebration will be had.

Death to one word text messages. "K" <<<<< Texts you can keep to yourself. Something about that lone letter in my inbox just irritates me. 

The fact that I was on the phone for 2+ hours with one of my homegirl's warms my heart. Everyone needs to have that friend who is unintentionally funny. I enjoy those I can't breathe,tears rolling down my face, my cheeks hurt kind of laughing. 

I hope I never lose my phone. The texts that are sent and received....chile.....let's just say this: My friends are reckless in the most hilariously sincere way possible. An entire text conversation was had explaining how we would be good side chicks. Aye good points were made. ;-)

Some of my friends like to say I'm the craziest of the bunch. I beg to differ. I'm not saying that I'm not crazy. I just think the "crazy" is packaged differently. *Looks @ friends*  >>>>> 

Gotta love the male perspective. Shoutout to my besties JB and JWilson!! They are the truth.com and I love me some them. ;-) The fact that their names both start with a J is just hilarious to me. I'm easily entertained.

I spent the morning watching two of Dave Chappelle's comedy specials. He's hilarious! His bit about grape drink and what white people eat had me in tears! If you haven't noticed I love to laugh ;-) 

A Week in Review

Heeeeeey ;-) my MedChem exam was today and with a calm spirit I can say that I beasted it!! I couldn't tell if it was a hard exam that I prepared well for or just a manageable exam that I thought would be harder....does it matter?! It's oooover! <<< This was written before I knew my grade!!.....Soo apparently I actually did beast that exam ;-)
Expect a slew of posts in the comings days but here are few things I wanted to share first:

• Sometimes ignorance actually is bliss. There is such a thing as too much information, too fast because now I'm forced to change my preconceived notions quicker than I wanted to. *folds arms* In all seriousness I like getting to know people but "Sometimes, too much information too soon can f*ck sh*t up"
• Black men.Cargo shorts. Fitted V neck. Sperrys (or any other shoe) <<< *faints*
• A freshman pre-pharmacy student came to shadow at my pharmacy on Saturday. Needless to say, I'm stepping my game up.  Ambition meets Action.
• I've been that excited girl who does silly things. (the thirst is real and I will not be apart of it) He's all of these wonderful things (great resume and soft on the eyes) and I'm only mildly impressed. Just because we look good together (yeah I said it) doesn't mean we should be together. He's the homie....and for now that's where I want him to stay
• I had a fun day with friends (NO STUDYING) I think I deserved a little break. I'm old in the game. ((A fresh 23.Lol)) Talked with a lot of underclassmen today. The transformation is amazing. I've come so far. What was important during my freshman year would be cake to the things I deal with now. I love life but I would do it all again. 
• That awkward moment when you pay the potential boo thang (used loosely) more attention and go out of your way and they send one word responses in texts messages. -____- I almost responded to the text. But then I quickly got myself together. I'm a G and I do G things. Responding to ridiculousness is not one of them. 

Too much. Not Enough

• It's Week 3 of this glorious quarter. I wanna start it over again. I just need a few more hours in my day and I'm sure I could actually tackle my to-do list.
• Use your words or say nothing at all. Simple.
• There's a difference between being non-confrontational and not being able to confront people at all. I know where I fall. ((trust and believe))
• I need to put this on a shirt: Finish the deal or chalk it up. <<<this seems to be the theme of the season. I need everyone to hop on board.
• Thinking back on my years in undergrad....I would do it all again, in the same skin I'm in. Even the not so shiny, fun parts. It's amazing how the cookies crumble and sometimes come back together. ;-)
• Asset or liability: where do you fall?!
• She mentioned your name. I softened. I caught my breath in my throat. I guess there will always be a soft spot for what could've been. I have no problem admitting it. #noshame. However, I'm not acting on it. What's meant to be will be and what's not meant to be will be just that. #chalkedup ;-)
• I'm convinced some songs are written specifically for me and my situation like Mariah's Emancipation of MiMi album ((yes the whole album..Lol)) and Adele's Someone Like You and Turning  Tables. ((I may have to write an entire post about songs that  speak to my entire soul))
• I love this life. Sometimes I am absolutely spent. But what do I really have to complain about?! Exactly. It could be sooooo much worse. So glad its not!
• More sleep. More studying. Less eating. More flirting. More money. More drinks. More good times. Less drama. More exercise. More smiles. More memories. <<< I'm down 

Sayings of the Week

Things I secretly feel should be on Tshirts, keychains, billboards, and coffee mugs

"You're a G.Finish that deal or chalk it up" ((Yours truly))

"You're a non-motherf* factor" ((Evelyn Lozano, Basketball Wives))

"Shawty.Go.Hard.Concrete"

"My school>your school"

"Come harder. This won't be easy"

An update of sorts ;-)

today is graduation.
another graduation that is not my own.
((sigh))
I'm excited for my friends and their futures
as I lay the groundwork for mine.
It's a conflicting feel nonetheless
I was gonna say that I can't wait for my graduation
but my mother would quickly say,
"Don't rush time"
and she's right.
The end of my undergraduate career is getting closer.
I will enjoy every demanding minute of it. ((remind me of this when I'm knee deep in assignments))
................
Money can't buy happiness. <<<the person who said this never experienced being "the broke college student" I'm convinced my life would be better if I just had a little bit more money.
..........................
drunken nights with friends: dollar shots and a pomegranate  martini [$13 give or take]
realizing you didn't put your scarf on the night before [priceless]
.................
drama between friends is for the birds
I shall not be involved.
Friends, acquaintances, and boys....if you are not adding exponentially to my happiness quotient....then anticipate a speedy removal.  *shrugs*
Nothing in particular happened to spark the last statement. Lol. I just wanted to put it in writing. The weather is getting warmer and I anticipate recklessness.....I BET IT AINT ME>>>

Temporary Insanity.

.........................................
 I am beside myself
I have become that girl
opening myself up to a worry
I have not known before
leaning on friends
but feeling silly doing so
but a school girl crush
is an out of body experience
everything I have ever known
is hanging in the balance
allowing the mellow drama
to descend upon me
Aaaaahhhhh
But then I remember the plan
I have prepared for it all
the plan may include him
it may not
a school girl crush
is nothing to play with
I think for now
I will plead
temporary insanity
it's the only thing that makes
sense.

Parties,Pet Peeves, and Pink Panties

I attended two parties this weekend. They were full of laughter, good music, and a hand full of blankstares. O_o Let's get into why!

• It appears that the most disrespectful songs are the ones that I love to dance to. Case in point: Make it Rain Trick and Bring it Back by Travis Porter are in steady rotation. Judge me not.
• Being the girlfriend of a guy who has a lot of female friends must be hard. Jumping in the arms of someone else's boyfriend doesn't help. 
• I'm a G. 
• Insecure guys make my head spin. Lock it up, act accordingly, and get out of my face. ((See point above))
• Pink Panties: Pink Lemonade and Tequila<---basically the best idea ever
• Staying at a party until 5 am.....who am I? It was fun doe.
• Small talk with people I don't like is not my thing. I don't participate in it. The end.
• Twerking is an art form. I support it. ((Twerk Team))
• You graduated two years ago. We shouldn't be at the same party.
• Leggings aren't for everyone. Please stop oppressing me with your camel toe. Get smart and wear a shirt long enough to cover that ish up
• Thank God for texting and friends that are awake at 3am. 
• My love for ratty songs was suppressed for an entire 48 hours. That is something I never wanna experience again. That is what withdrawal must feel like. ((cues Make it Rain))

• Openly talking about other women while at a party is not cool. Especially when that same woman is minimal.(rolls eyes)
• Party play lists are crucial. A random song can ruin the whole vibe. But Trina's Look Back At Me can put the party right back on track. ((falls out))
• Apparently I know all the words to Get it Girl by Chip the Ripper. Not everyone can say the same.
• If I was dancing and then sat down when you approached...it probably means I don't want to dance with you. O_o

Picture courtesy of [http://thatretailchick.me/2010/12/27/travis-porter-jive-records-make-it-rain-on-urban-radio-charts/]

Random Rumblings #2

I think about you all the time.

I'm beginning to feel a little silly doing so.

Why?

Not really sure if you're thinking about me.

*looks around the room*

Yes I said it

I'm not sure

and

I so want to be

Well I think I want to be....

Confusion offers no answers

Maybe someday soon

you will

or maybe you won't

I can't call it

But either way

I'll be okay

I'll just reminisce

about your side smile

that I always thought was

only for me ;-)