Suburbia.

In less than 12 days I will be leaving a life that I created in 2006.

Going back to suburbia. A place where things never really change much. 

It's comforting in a sense. It's crazy. Six years have come and gone. With each passing academic year, it seemed as though time was inching by every so slowly. Now as I sift through memories, old assignments, and photos, I realize how time really does fly. Chile......I can remember vividly sitting in the car and telling my mother goodbye my freshman year. The entire move I was full of excitement. But when it was time for her to leave, I lost it. TEAR FEST. Here I am, six years later, taking it all in. I've thrown much of my material memories (assignments, books, papers, binders) away. There are people that I hope to see in the coming week. Then there are those whose memories shall suffice. Now isn't the time to revel in past friendships and courtesies. I simply want to have a grand old time ;-) Last night was fun. Ate some sushi (a California roll with cream cheese!Yall know iont really mess with sushi sushi) and went to GasWerks. People watching. I was wildly amused. I have fully accepted my membership into the Unfriendly Black Hotties Association.

Going back to suburbia. A place where things never really change much

One of my best friends from high school is still there. She is in grad school and living at home with her papa! Although, college has separated us, over the past few years. Gabriella is still my boo thang. We don't talk often but when we do it's as though no time has passed. I love it. Can't wait to see Peter either!! He is another person where time stands still. He left the greatest voicemail in reference to a classmate being engaged. It was all types of rude and wonderful at the same d*mn time. Told Remes I was coming back too! She is excited. She's like the little sister I never wanted. I kid, I kid. ((She doesn't read my blog, so it's cool))

Since I'm still playing the waiting game with pharmacy school, this year at home would be interesting. It would be the first time since high school that I wouldn't have my own space. Needless to say, I'm relishing my time in my apartment. I'm excited to be up under my mommie again even though she informed me that she has a list of things around the house that she would like me to look into. Girl what? The first few days back, I plan on sleeping. I will also be able to play with my llittle kitten, Monnie! He is in fact not a kitten. He is in fact a full grown cat. Is this how it feels as a parent: never wanting to acknowledge that your child is an adult? I just equated my cat to a child and myself as I parent. I'm just gonna leave that there.

Going back to suburbia. A place where things never really change much

I'm really going to miss my job. It has been an experience working there. These last few days have been absolutely ridiculously busy((perhaps they know I'm leaving!) I wouldve worked there for two years come September!! Wowzers!  My co-workers. We are a dysfunctional group...but it works. I'm definitely going to miss them. Who else are they going to blame when the counting tray has been haphazardly placed on a back shelf? Who else are they going to question upon leaving if they left anything? Who else is going to accidentally leave their keys, phone, phone charger (these happened at different times) in the pharmacy?  Who else are they going to discuss the pros and cons of being a baseball wife with? As you can see I was definitely an asset to the team. Most of all, I'm going to miss my customers. Wish I could tell yall their names. Look at me respecting the HIPAA laws. I'm a Future Pharmacist of America. What did you expect? There are some characters that come to that pharmacy. There's nothing like getting cussed out on your first day? But it's those customers that I know by name and the customers that let me have a glimpse at their personal lives, that make that job great. It is also what makes me want to continue my education!!

I say all of that to say, I'm going to miss this place. Columbus. The Ohio State University. My friends. I am excited to return to suburbia. Perhaps this will coincide with me finding out what this year has in store ;-)

My Presence is a Present

Everyday brings a lesson

I'm learning

I'm living

Counting down the days

As much as I am looking forward to graduating and what not, I want to enjoy these moments. Can I be present and future oriented at the same time????????! 

Balance is key and nowhere to be found

I want to be present

I wanna ride the waves of the newness and not succumb to the questions

questions that leave me more confused that I was to begin with

questions that I don't have the answers too

As of late, I have been given glimpses of the life I want

Once given a taste, I want it all.

I keep saying this, 

LIFE BE HAPPENING

Im just a girl along for the ride 

What he said...

“Half of the troubles of this life can be traced to saying yes too quickly and not saying no soon enough.”--Josh Billings

<< http://helpthisromantic.tumblr.com/>>

what have i done.

Once I graduate on June 10th,2012, I will feel like I have accomplished something.
By then, I will be 24 years young and know if I got into pharmacy school.
They say getting in is half the battle.
They is right.
Just taking it day by day
that's all I have to give
With each assignment,
I know that I'm one step closer to
GRADUATION
And on that day, I will give a shout.
Until then,
I will complain about not having enough money or enough time in the day
I will spend countless hours downloading music  ((SchoolBoy Q| My Hating Joint)) when I should be studying
I will calculate my grades over and over again ......"so how many points do I need to get....?"
I will envy my two friends who have already been accepted into pharmacy school
I will become even greener with envy when my friend tells me he didn't even study for the pharmacology exam and still received a better grade than I did -_____-
I will workout three days a week and enjoy every minute of it
I will attempt to not to succumb to my quarter life crisis
In other words,
I will try not to go completely crazy.

I will graduate.

Sharing is Caring

*inspired by 25 Things and My Secrets**

• I haven't seen my father since i was 12 years old and I'm perfectly okay with that
• I wholeheartedly believe I was a socialite or royalty in my past life
• when I don't wear earrings I feel like a runaway slave
• I don't have siblings. I am actually quite proud of that. I never wanted any. I want multiple children. Funny how that works.
• I told many a friend that we would be friends when I first met them. I be knowing
• I speak in British accent at least twice a week
• I'm the happiest when eating
• I have a passport. I've only been to the Bahamas. I fee a way about that
• One of my besties would much rather be a housewife with an island in her kitchen than have a career. I would rather watch paint dry.
• I always have lipgloss/lipchap. When I don't, my day goes sour.
• With my recent weight gain, I avoid mirrors at all cost.
• I used to hate my stretch marks. Now I love them.
• I am very driven. I am also very lazy. Chile...
• I hate when people call me more than once and it's not an emergency. I hate when people call/text me asking if I got their text that they just sent. Sirs and ma'ams....
• I love Harry Potter and nem. We grew up together.
• I have recently observed that some may think I'm a lesbian. Team Paula Patton.
• I swear I always hear my phone vibrating or ringing. Its never the case.
• I clean in the wee hours of the morning. 
• Between friends, family, and coworkers, I feel like I'm the only one who doesn't have a smartphone
• A part of me believes I could marry for money.
• I've never celebrated Valentine's Day with a guy.
• I still talk to my elementary school librarian and third grade teacher.
• I love that Oprah and Stedman aren't married.
• I'm a firm believer in the unwritten girl code
• Although I love a few of India Arie's songs, I don't really like her. Things that most likely only make sense to me

What He Said

"I used to think I was set on my friends for life, but I've learned there's always room for new ones and always time to lose old ones."---Jozen Cummings (via his twitter)

and the text said.....

A few days ago, I got a picture message from a friend in his graduation glory from his masters program. He told me about his plans to move to Georgia for his new job.
Me: Fancy :-)
Him: Prepping for my wife (you) Lol
Me: Where in Georgia will you (we) be living?
The rest of those details are irrelevant.

*Please note: my response sans an "LOL"....yall just sit with that*

 Lemme go ahead and purchase that webcam so I can skype my boo in Georgia skype my girls to discuss.



Today's text from my bestie:
"Can I just get a man? Lol. Like I need a sign from God. Anything? Okay I'm done"

....that's all I'm saying.




Was my sign already shown to me?
*Looks at God*

Have Peace and Give Thanks

Today is Thanksgiving.
In 4th grade, it was a simple holiday about turkeys made out of construction paper, friendly pilgrims, and welcoming Native Americans.
At 23, it's about delicious food and acknowledging the pillaging and ignorance of our forefathers.
Isn't Amurica great?!

I could say that I am thankful for this life and what a blessing it is to be alive in these times....but that goes without saying. God knows my heart :-)

Instead, I'll say this......Sometimes I get so wrapped up in what went wrong, what I don't have, what I want, and other ridiculousness that I forget to breathe. Forget to take a moment and just be still. I'm a worrier. But when worrying got me nowhere, I began to lean heavily on my faith. Leaving everything in Jesus's hand. I can't move mountains. But I can wake up everyday and try again. So on this day, I am simply thankful for peace.

The quarter is almost over and I have a million and one things to complete. Let's pray that time, energy, and focus are on my side because baybeee..........this list of things to accomplish seems to never end. However, my personal statement is DONE. YES. Dunzo. Which means my pharmacy school application is one recommendation and PCAT score from being complete. Listen...Jesus shows up and shows out, don't he?!?! January 10th and June 10th, 2012 have been boldly circled and highlighted on every calendar I own, PCAT and graduation, respectively.

........let's ride this thang on out. 

*courtesy of http://rewritingherstory.com/2011/10/monday-motivation-keep-the-peace/ *

Are you there God? It's Me, *Ta.

---If you did not get that Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret?  (Judy Bloom) reference, I'm not sure if our friendship can continue. I loved this book when I read it as a middle schooler :-)---

I asked God to put my future man-friend's husband's  name on a post it during one of our nightly conversations.
.I promised I wouldn't frantically search for him on the internets. I would do nothing with the information besides see what it felt like to say his name. The Lord knows my heart. Needless to say, God never presented me with the post it note of my dreams.

I prayed for love last night.

Oh You Know...

Just wanted to check in and what not! Also wanted to share some of my quarterly goals. Once it's in writing, there's no denying it. Accountability at its best. ;-)

730am classes were created by the Devil himself. I'm sure of it.
I have decided to join the Spanish Conversation Club. Why didn't I join this sooner I will never know!! I'm also reading two to three articles that are written in entirely in Espanol everyday.
Since a few of my pharmacy classes are online (shimmies and shakes a la B.Scott), I will be back in the GYM. First time since I fractured my foot. Chile.....I had to buy a black dress for this event >>> The Women's Book Launch Party and I had to go up a size. *real tears* I will admit it was mostly because of my broad shoulders but still. I almost had a nervous breakdown in Targets.
Grey's Anatomy is BACK. My world is complete. I don't have cable but I do get ABC. All of my shows come on ABC....Modern Family, Happy Endings, and Pan Am!! *Looks at God*
PCAT studying starts again. I have another opportunity. Let's be great.
My new flat iron is pink. I love she.
People who speak entirely too loud for the sake of people overhearing their nonsense make my blood boil. This girl in my class was going on and on about how she left her blow dryer and favorite pair of jeans at her mothers house. MA'AM.....O_o .....the only person that cares is the girl sitting next to you. Why must you scream????
No guys in sight or on my mind. They have been replaced with homework and the like. Out of sight, out of mind is how I play it until

::unicorns::

Adieu

That not so awkward moment when you see old friends and the excitement you once had for them never shows up. 

No hard feelings.

Some friendships just

might don't make it.

*shrugs*

What is in a name?

I love my name. I love my mother for choosing my name. Couldn't imagine being called something else. My name is difficult for some. But I wouldn't have it any other way. I will most likely continue this tradition and give my daughter a difficult name. Hopefully she will appreciate it as I appreciate mine. 
*Warsan Shire is a poet. Her words, her poems are something special. *
The Birth Name ---- Warsan Shire


the name warsan means good news in the somali language. i hated it. i despised my name. i wanted to be called something soft, something that ended with an "ah" sound. my name is difficult to whisper into the side of my face. my name is easy to use with a hard voice. i appreciate that now. the hesitation on the other side of the phone. the way they would replace my name with 'baby'. give your daughters difficult names. give your daughters names that command the full use of tongue. my name makes you want to tell me the truth. my name doesn't allow me to trust anyone that cannot pronounce it right.my mother calls me 'warsanay'. if a man ever tried to call me that, it means he understands that i am someone's daughter. it means i'll let him call me down from a long building. praise my grandmother, warsan baraka. my father's mother. the woman i was named after.

Random Rumblings #4

Emotions have been on high today.
............
One of the bestie's is moving away.
It was a tear fest.
I could barely hold it together when I got up to speak in front of her family and friends
This girl has been a constant since day one. Literally. I met her at orientation
I'm sad to see her go but I know that this a good thing for her ;-)
I'm gonna miss her though.
My cup runneth over ((from the movie Hope Floats))
...........
Saw a slew of the homies last night when I went out
It was great to see them
Time flies
I tell you
They were still cute (I know how to pick them hehe)
reminding of all the reasons why I fell for them in the first place
but that feeling quickly faded
a girl is trying to take two steps forward not 8 steps back
................
Gotta step the PCAT studying game all THEE way up.
...................
For a second I thought I was overreacting.
I thought I was being dramatic; making a big deal out of something.
But I don't think I am.
I'm in that space when something happens and it makes you question everything.

questioning my place in this game we call life.

I so want to go back to the way things were.

But maybe that's not how this story was supposed to continue

Things happen for a reason right?
I've been in my head/emotions/feelings all day today
I'm hoping with my whole heart this is just a sick and twisted episode of Punk'd
and Ashton will pop out from coat closet

trying to make sense of it all
and I've come up with nothing
acknowledging apologies along the way
not too sure where to put them
since they provide little comfort
no consolation
Not saying the apologies weren't genuine
but a bad decision still occurred
consequences
no regard was taken
none whatsoever
they say time heals all wounds
but they failed to mention
a time frame
I don't like curve balls
I don't like surprises
I don't like blatant disrespect
I like when people do the things that are asked of them
I told someone today if friendship was a points game that would've lost 10,000 points.
I'm sick of crying (be it tears of joy or anger)
I think I'm all dried up
I have nothing left
My emotions are frazzled
My eyes are tired
I am spent

i guess shit happens

I just wish it wasn't me

--mayda

Tainted Love

I heard that when you don't know what to do. Be still. But I can't be still. I must write...

they say there is a lesson in everything.

but today in this moment

 i'm struggling to understand what I'm supposed to learn.

promises were broken

the worst part about it is 

i had a feeling

an inkling

a premonition 

livid

hurt

angry

.....simply disappointed

She said, "Nowhere to go but  up?"

True

We cannot go back in time

What's done is done

However

A once flawless friendship 

is now tainted

.....some things should simply never happen

Are you graduating?!

Today many of my friends graduate from this amazing university ;-)
 Another graduation that is not my own.
As always
.....it is bittersweet
but I'm slowly realizing
that what is meant to be
is just that.
Meant to be.
This is not my moment
But my time is near
Until then I will finish my last few quarters
with no regrets
just more laughs
more alcohol
and more studying.
Plus now I can stop giving people the blankest of blankstares  when they ask me if I'm graduating. #growth

Ooo baby it feels so right....a new beginning starts tonight--Robin Thicke *Sweetest Love

Cabin Fever and other random ish

Cabin Fever is real! I've never been on my couch or inside in my apartment this long. This whole fractured foot thing is for the birds. I think I'm falling into a slight depression. -___- I've been looking at the same four walls. My day is focused on two things: icing my foot and keeping said foot elevated. My life is so exciting.

Because it's graduation weekend, everyone is trying to kick it. Sending me texts and tweets about the festivities. Don't they know I can't go?! And then they ask "You're done with finals. You don't have anything to do. Why can't you come kick it?" Just add salt to the wound!! How quickly people forget I'm a temporarily out the game! Please note: Once I'm back on my feet (literally) a celebration will be had.

Death to one word text messages. "K" <<<<< Texts you can keep to yourself. Something about that lone letter in my inbox just irritates me. 

The fact that I was on the phone for 2+ hours with one of my homegirl's warms my heart. Everyone needs to have that friend who is unintentionally funny. I enjoy those I can't breathe,tears rolling down my face, my cheeks hurt kind of laughing. 

I hope I never lose my phone. The texts that are sent and received....chile.....let's just say this: My friends are reckless in the most hilariously sincere way possible. An entire text conversation was had explaining how we would be good side chicks. Aye good points were made. ;-)

Some of my friends like to say I'm the craziest of the bunch. I beg to differ. I'm not saying that I'm not crazy. I just think the "crazy" is packaged differently. *Looks @ friends*  >>>>> 

Gotta love the male perspective. Shoutout to my besties JB and JWilson!! They are the truth.com and I love me some them. ;-) The fact that their names both start with a J is just hilarious to me. I'm easily entertained.

I spent the morning watching two of Dave Chappelle's comedy specials. He's hilarious! His bit about grape drink and what white people eat had me in tears! If you haven't noticed I love to laugh ;-) 

Broken

I fractured my foot yesterday. I'm on crutches. I am soo over the little things. Getting dressed, bathing, and simply waking up are chores. My body is tired. Walking on crutches is a cardio workout that I never want to experience again. Not being able to walk has opened my eyes to a whole new world. Thank God and legislation for handicapped bathrooms, railings, and ramps. I'm realizing that my apartment really isn't ideal for one with a temporary handicap. There are 5 stairs that separate me from the entrance to my apartment complex and my apartment door. I loathe them. I haven't quite mastered them. I can't blame anyone but myself. I am fiercely independent and this fractured foot won't let me great. I'm not sure if these tears are due to PMS or the fact that my daily life has become one huge chore. I can't call it and I can't really worry about it. I have two finals, Monday and Tuesday respectively. I wish I could drive. At least, I would be able to go to work  Money is the motive
I'm sick of talking about how I hurt my foot. I'm sick of people thinking my clumsy tale is funny. When you actually hear your bone break.....it's not really a laughing matter. I'm sick of people asking if I need anything (let's be honest....who's really gonna follow through?...I'll wait. People say things because those are the nice things you are supposed to say. I'm convinced most people don't mean it when they are actually called to action *shrugs*)
My follow up appointment on Thursday is the light at the end of this clumsy tunnel.
The only thing is there are 120 hours between now and then. 

Atypical Communication

"Soo how was your day?!" It was a simple question. He asked me about my day. This isn't one of those he asked and actually listened post's. It's gonna be he asked but never asks kind of post.
Let me explain. This guy and I have a "different" type of communication. When we see  each other  or text we don't ask each other about our days. The conversations are random, trivial at best. We just talk. It sounds crazy, I know.  It sounds like something I wouldn't want to do. But he's tall with a good back. Sometimes a girl has to make sacrifices.   I kid. ;-) We like each other. But that whole talking to each other about our days and sh*t just isn't what we do.
Cut to a few weeks ago: we're texting per usual and he says he wants to see me. Nothing new here. He goes on to offer to pick me up from campus. (Sign #1 that something was off...he's never offered his vehicle O_o) The crazier thing is I accepted the offer ( Sign #2 .....I was studying in between classes. I'm serious about my studying. Lol). He picks me up, I get in the car, say hi and what not. He hits me with, "Soo  how was your day?"


GIFSoup

I just knew I was being punked. But Ashton and the camera crew never showed up. Long story short, we talked about not so trivial things. I was all types of taken aback. Needless to say, I appreciate his predictability so much so when he veered left when I was expecting him to veer right...I didn't know how to react.
.....These are the moments when my life is just so random and full of surprises. These boys are acting brand new. I blame the sunshine and the ability to now play basketball outside. (I wrote that last sentence with so much sincerity).  

They are keeping this part time emotionally thugnificent woman on her toes. 

Sayings of the Week

Things I secretly feel should be on Tshirts, keychains, billboards, and coffee mugs

"You're a G.Finish that deal or chalk it up" ((Yours truly))

"You're a non-motherf* factor" ((Evelyn Lozano, Basketball Wives))

"Shawty.Go.Hard.Concrete"

"My school>your school"

"Come harder. This won't be easy"

Hating the player and the game

I went to a party last night. The pheromones were suffocating. Flirting was at an all time high. There were drinks. There was music. It was a good time ;-)

In the midst of all the choosing, I noticed many of the guys whispering sweet nothings in the ears of very attractive women. I'm all about flirting and interacting with the opposite sex at parties. I'm single. I have no promises to keep. I can boost a man's ego sell dreams at my leisure. No one gets hurt in the process. It's all fun and games. Here's the problem with the aforementioned scene, these attractive women weren't their girlfriends. As a person who enjoys a good flirtatious exchange, the conversation with these women is not the issue. For me the issue arises when two lives are being led; being in a relationship and being single are simultaneously at play. What is the point of having a girlfriend if you are going to actively pursue other women????? <<<< I just don't get it. These men can be single and sell dreams without breaking promises to the women they claim they care about. Is it the excitement of not getting caught? Is it because they want to always know that they can pull women no matter the circumstance? Is it because they recognize how great their girlfriends are and would rather not share them with other men? I can't call it. It is a phenomenon that I just can't wrap my head around. What is the point of putting in the work it takes to get and keep a girlfriend (dates, meeting friends&family, incorporating them into life decisions) if it all gets pushed to the wayside? The reason as to why these men do what they do may be linked to being able to have their cake and eat it too. They simply do it because they can. What the girlfriend doesn't know won't hurt her, right?! *eyeroll*

On paper these men are creme de la creme. They are top notch. It doesn't hurt that they are attractive. They have successful futures ahead of them. They also have the uncanny ability to use their words to make many women swoon. I completely understand why women would want to be in their presence. Their resumes are known and so are their relationship statuses.These men present themselves as upstanding gentlemen and future leaders in the proverbial community. But their dealings with women prove otherwise. Men aren't perfect. Neither are women. But I believe if you make a commitment to someone, keep it. Be present in the relationship. And if/when you don't want to, use your words and get out. Simple.

I'm not sure if the girlfriends know. If they do, what a shame. Wasting years with a man who refuses to fully commit. I would want to talk to them so that I could here the rationale. If they don't, what a shame. Wasting years with a man who refuses to commit. See what I did there?! Whether they know or not, it's still sad. *sigh*  Maybe one these men will stop chasing women and focus on the women they have? Or maybe they won't. I can't call it. *sigh* I don't have a solution, just a slew of observations.
But what I know for sure, it couldn't be me.
Let me rephrase, I hope and pray that I am never put in this situation.