Where You Be At?!

"I've been dating since I was 15. I'm exhausted.  Where is he?"

Someone decided to fall asleep while watching Sex and The City last night *points at self*......
Charlotte's question is so real. I'm only 23 and I often wonder where my intended is?
I'm really not in any rush to be married and what not.
But I just want to know: Who he be?
What is he doing? Where is he? Do I already know him?
Is he gonna be better than my mama's collard greens and cornbread?
[Yall can thank Fantasia for that poetry]
Will he appreciate my love for everything Beyonce?
Will I appreciate his idiosyncrasies?
So many questions,
 no answers.
Since my husband won't be revealed to me,
what about my man-friend? (Still trying to see if that feels right....boyfriend, the boy, the beaux.....)
Where he be?
The thirst is real.
Perhaps, its the idea of a significant other that excites me?
Because who knows, I might get one and be ready to unload him.
Lol
Do I need a man?
*goes to Twitter*
RT @WisdomisMisery Hmmm, Steve asked: Do you feel uncomfortable admitting you need a man? Do you feel you need a man? (Feel free to respond ladies).
RT @WildCougConfess @WisdomisMisery I need a staff of men its just better that way << LMAO
*and we're back.....*
Nah! I don't need one.
I just would like to share my time, energy, and cuteness with someone other than my friends.
Plain and simple.
No shade to them.
But I'm currently drowning in estrogen

Sooo utterly unimpressed with my lack of options.
I'm winter time cold without a winter time boo. See what I did there?
In the meantime, I will continue to cuddle up with my books, highlighters, index cards and the rest of my school supplies.
They get me.
Been around since preschool circa 1991
Consistency is key.

Are you there God? It's Me, *Ta.

---If you did not get that Are You There God? It's Me, Margaret?  (Judy Bloom) reference, I'm not sure if our friendship can continue. I loved this book when I read it as a middle schooler :-)---

I asked God to put my future man-friend's husband's  name on a post it during one of our nightly conversations.
.I promised I wouldn't frantically search for him on the internets. I would do nothing with the information besides see what it felt like to say his name. The Lord knows my heart. Needless to say, God never presented me with the post it note of my dreams.

I prayed for love last night.

I wanna love like.....

His name is Marty.
He touched my heart today.
He told me stories of his wife.

"Her biggest mistake in life was marrying a guy like me. Next week is our anniversary. We've been married for 58 years. The family and I are taking her to Cameron Mitchell. My girl deserves the best"

His wife's health is slowly deteriorating. She's been bed ridden for a year. But the way his eye's lit up when he shared stories about her was priceless. There was a compassion behind his eyes that brought me to tears. (I am a softie. In the middle of the pharmacy, trying to type in scripts, while holding back tears. #talent. I had to excuse myself to the restroom in order to pull myself together.)

Marty is a shuffling, old pharmacist who can talk until the cows come home Bless his whole heart. 

Unlike my other co-workers, I asked Marty questions and listened intently.

I've learned that sometimes a person just needs to talk to a complete stranger

Divulging secrets, wishes, mistakes,happiness

to a person that they will most likely never see again

You probably wouldn't believe how many times I've been at the Krogers or the Walmarts

and people just start talking to me

telling me things 

sometimes about them

or even things about me

(Don't get me wrong, all persons who approach get the *side eye or blankstare* at first)

I know that something greater is at work

Although tonight was hectic, I'm glad I met Marty. He definitely made an impression. 

One day I'm gonna be that old lady that talks a lot but means well

I hope when I'm his age and talk about my younger days that somebody will listen

FIFTY EIGHT YEARS.....people don't stay married for that long anymore. nowadays

I've never be in love

but if Marty's  compassion is what love is all about

I want to taste it and live it

Do I really want one: Boyfriend Edition

Relationships have been the talk of the town this week.
During Margarita Mondays
Text messages
GChat
Twitter
and late night conversations between friends.

Some want to be in them while others want nothing to do with them. Tonight I had two conversations with friends who have reached their breaking points in their respective relationships. Chile I'm spent. Knowing what we all know about relationships: we all still want to be in them.While observing my friend's failed relationships and my own flings, I have realized what not to do. I know what I'll tolerate and what I won't. However, with all that in mind I often wonder why I still want a significant other despite the drama it comes with. I think there is a fundamental want to be apart of something; to be the object of some one's affection; to know that someone is thinking of you. People simply want to feel wanted and special. But in order to achieve all of this a few concessions have to be made by both parties involved. I think we have forgotten the comings and goings between lovers will not always be covered in fairy dust. Problems will arise. But the question is: who will rise to the occasion when the relationship is crumbling?!
My friends are at a crossroad. During the end of the phone calls, I thought: I'm glad it's not me.
I say this because I'm really not in place right now where I want to consider someone else's feelings. <<<this sounded more selfish than I intended it to. My plate is already brimming with my own confusion, family, and friends. Now adding a guy and his baggage (we all have it....it's just about how we wear it) there's no room for it. But this is what I know for sure: I haven't met a guy that has prompted me to make room. *shrugs* Let the record show....I am not against b-friends. They are great. I expect to have one ....one day. However,For me...in this moment, relationships sound good in theory after a long day at work on Saturday when all I want to do is curl up on my couch. But in my reality, I just don't see it. That's no shade to any of the guys that are in my life now in some capacity. They are serve a purpose and the role of boyfriend is not one of them. I'm just a girl going along for the ride.

Life is crazy. sexy. cool. 

I'm not complaining. 

A Night of Revelations

He said he can't stop thinking about her.

For a split second

I wanted the her to be me

But I will never be [her]

He and I will never be an us.

.....and I'm okay with that.

I am the Void Filler

Like a crescent moon cradling the night sky

I find myself wrapped in your arms

no space between us

I am the void filler

momentarily covering that hole

in your heart

the one you won't admit is still there

crawling hands cry for me

when I'm not close to you

I am the void filler

giving you my body when

you need something to hold on to

not wanting to widen a space that's already there

*inspired by>>>>*http://darnellwalker.wordpress.com/2011/01/13/the-void-filler-noise/ #homage.

What She Said.....

‎"We became an ending before we had become much of a beginning" Asha Bandele

.......and the sappiness continues.

*photo courtesy of http://ijustluv.tumblr.com/

Hopefully Hope (7 out of 10)

I'm scared

that my heart may never know love

See I have created love

flowing from my pen onto pages

is where I write

how love should be

could be

would be

fairy-tales don't live there often

while hope is a constant

constantly getting my hopes up

making me believe

love will live on my doorstep

my poems breathe life

into a love I have yet to meet

love

just a figment of a writer's imagination

a fleeting feeling

caught between my thoughts

hopefully

hope will

let love

live

because

writing of love lost

is becoming too familiar

I'm waiting to write

the poem

when love introduce's

his self to me

hopefully hope will let me recognize him

Worn Pages (6 of 10)

He said he wanted to get to know me

so I gave him my journal

full of poems

past truths

proclamations

revelations

inspirations

all of me

pressed between

worn pages

that I hoped he would be

able to handle

he gave me the journal

back

with no explanation

hope tricked me again

or so I thought

the last page of my worn

journal

was where he left his mark

"i make no promises

but I'll try my best to be true"

and with that

I gave him my heart

Silent Nights (5 of 10)

something happens when the lights go off

close

deliberate

firm

was the way he held her at night

without words

these were the moments she loved

wrapped in his arms

safe

protected

she taught him how to love

and he taught her how to receive it

unconditionally

two damaged hearts

trying to make it work

he didn't want to admit it

but at times he wanted her to come to his rescue

they had come this far

heart open

vulnerable

in those quiet moments

thinking he was asleep

she wrapped herself around him

close

deliberate

firm

he knew

that

she knew

love fell into his heart

Say My Name (3 of 10)

*inspired by RihRih's song with Drake and Stuttering by Jazmine Sullivan :)

He made me smile that day

it was simply

the way he said

my name

from his mouth

to my ear

stopped my world

see my name was different

in between his lips

causing all thoughts

to vanish

time hung in the balance

holding my name in the air

unable to say anything back

all I could do was smile

he took my words away

simply by the way he

said my name

In Response: To All the Boys I've Loved Before

**I've decided to start a "series" called In Response (Thanks to Shihan). This will feature my response to other blog posts, poems, pictures, or anything else that tickles my fancy :) Also a line or two of said poem were taken from Skinny Jeanius quotes #homage**

To All the Boys I Have Yet to Love:

My heart is on my sleeve

but my shirt is dirty

covered in the memories of what may have been

Don't mistake these memories as baggage

They are revelations that I have decided to keep

Pieces of me that I don't want to forget

In between my love for me and my appreciation for my past

my future love for you will lie

loving me will not be easy

but it will be worth it

be ready for truth

be ready to love fully

my heart is on my sleeve

but my shirt is dirty

I'm waiting for the man

who is willing to

find

it